The past year....in love.

I am your not-so-average 20 year old female. My past is a long history of tragic endings, fateful findings, and not so pleasent revealations. Most of which no one wants to delve into. Even I, and its My life, don't like looking back on it. Mostly because I despise the person I was. The person I've been, and I am still trying to decide if I like the person I am.


I've been out of my parents house for about a year now. After playing hopscotch with my friends and living in 4 different houses, I got a boyfriend, who opened his doors to me. We were both lonely, had a true feeling of hate towards the opposite sex and just in general needed somthing that evidently we could give each other.


He was a cruel hateful person. Not in a physical sense, but in a 'women have screwed me so many times, they are all bloody evil and should be shoved in a wood chipper' kinda way. For some reason, that appealed to me, don't ask me why. Even I am still confused on that. I recently gotten out of one of the most horrific relationships I could ever possible be in. Luckily, it ended and I began the reconstruction of my heart.

Apon delving into the world of the man I had met and began dating, it was apparent that we were deffinately going to get close, and fast. We melded together like gasoline and fire do. It was scarily quick how we began to enjoy each others company. It wasn't simply the fact that both of us despised sleeping alone. The warmth of our bodies ever so gently spooning together became somthing more intimate, and soon. In my eyes, it was apparent I loved him.


I will admit my first idea when diving headfirst into this relationship was this simple idea. 'Hmm, He thinks he can never be loved, or love anyone, and I am just evil. I wonder if I can tame him into believeing that we are all not so bad.' I was right. As my dear friend Michelle told me "You've tamed the savage beast." She was shocked. I was exstatic. I won. I did it... now what?

I had planned it out to that point, now what was I to do? I hadn't intended on staying, had I? Did my subconcious make a choice for me that I wasn't aware of? I found myself floundering and running to my friends asking their advice, questioning my motvies and my heart. I wasn't ready to be in a real relationship... god no. I was rebounding, I had to be. He was 28!!! What was I thinking? Apparently, I hadn't been looking to see what my heart was telling me. I had really, truely fallen in love. In what had started as a compotion. Ended as somthing that I was horrified of. True Undeniable Love.

Course I had a defense for that. Denial, and self sabbatoge. Which I am damn good at. I seem to have done it alot, now that I look back and see the way I would do certain things. Course all in all that fell through. I have been with him for 10 almost 11 monthes, and we are still togehter, and offically engaged.

And now, a brief intro on me:

I am undefineable. I am me. I am the nuclear bomb mix of the stereotypes. I am loud, outgoing, sophisticated, outspoken, Me. My style screams prep, goth, punk, emo, and all the others at the same time. I have my tongue pierced and my lip. My ears are pierced 4 times on both sides. I'm not the slimest of people, who cares? I'm 5ft4. Yay for us short peoples. My family is one of the most important people in my life. We may never see eye to eye. They may never really grasp who I am. But they will always be my family.

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